Truth

As an adult who survived incest in a Jewish family, I am thankful for being alive today. I grew up afraid to tell anyone. It was better to have my "daddy" the way he was then not have him at all. I loved my father. He was funny and enjoyed life. He was also sad and had times of extreme anger. He was against organized religion and refused to join a temple. I was the one who loved to go to services with my grandfather, my Zada.
As an adult I studied and completed an Adult Bat Mitzvah. Whem my father died in 1984, I ask my mother for his tallit (prayer shawl). At my Bat Mitzvah I wore his tallit. While I am waiting for my turn to read from the Torah I look down at the corner of the tallit. There I read (in Hebrew), property of Tifereth Zion. This must be the congregation that he "borrowed" the tallit from. That was my father.
So, today, I am active in two congregations. I feel it is important to be connected to community, whatever faith you are. I also find myself active in a 12 step program for adult children of alcoholics. I dont believe my father was an alcoholic. He was bi-polar, and a pediphile among other things. Yet, as I listen to the questions "Did you grown up in with a problem drinker?" , I anwser yes to most of them.
Think about these questions and how they relate to the way you have survived?
1. Do you constantly seek approval and affirmation?
2. Do you fail to recognize your accomplishments?
3. Do you gear criticism?
4. Do you overexten yourself?
5. Have you had problems with your own compulsive behavior?
6. do you have aneed for perfection?
7. Are you uneasy when your life is going smoothly, continually anticipating problems?
8. Do you feel more alive in the midst of a crisis?
9. Do you still feel responsible for others, as you did for the problem drinker in your life?
10. Do you care for others easily, yet find it difficlut to care for youself?
11. Do you isolate yourself from other people?
12. Do you respond with fear to authority figures and angry people?
13. Do you feel that individuals and society in general are taking advantage of you?
14. Do you have trouble with intimate relationships?
15. Do you confuse pity with love, as you did with the problem drinker?
16. Do you attract and/or seek people who tend to be compulsive and/or abuse?
17. Do you cling to relationsips because you are afraid to be alone?
18. Do you often mistrust your own feelings and the feelings expressed by others?
19. Do you find it difficult to identidy and express your emotions?
20. Do you think someone's drinking may have affected you?\
The first time I heard these questions read, I was blown away. The statement after reading this :
If you answered YES to ANY of these questions, Al Anon may help.

Those of us who work very hard at covering up our past. I spent years thinking I had done something wrong and then I kept myself so busy so I didnt have to think about what really happened at home. I started doing volunteer work while I was in High School. I was president of every club I belonged to in school. I was an overachiever from early school years and continued as an adult. If I kept busy, kept doing good things for others, then maybe my past would go away.
Well it does not go away by keeping busy. It never goes away. However, the way I see the past now is in a very different view. It still happend. Just how I hold it in my past now is different. When I allowed God to be my guide and I realised I had no control over what happened to me, I let go of the shame of the past. Just think about the fact that you had no control over what happend to you. The others were the adults...you trusted the adult in your life and were betrayed by that trust. You cant change the past, only how you choose to live your life now.
Let this be a space for you to share your insights and your journeys. I am here to listen.
blessings and joy for this beautiful day,
Chaplain Bonnie